An Open Letter to Humanity

Dear fellow sister and brother,

We are in grave danger. I am ashamed of our behavior. We have allowed competion, consumption,  and abuse of home Earth to continue far too long. To the point where,  she is and will kill us off. I don’t want to be the generation that kills the Planet.

Thoughts when jogging up hills

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As I jog up this hill i ask, ” who is out here? Who is pushing me? Who is with me here on this hill?”

It was me.
No ex boyfriend.
No Mitch.
No family.

You must leave the masses, to come into our own. ALL you have, when it really comes down to it is you.

All environments and work is universal.  Because i prepared on Mission Peak, I am prepared to handle Sierra Road.

Prepartion in one state, provides you with the basic skills to survive in any environment. All work is equal. If you work hard as a student, you can also be a top athlete. With some minor adaptations,  all environments are universal.

I know who I am.
I am still the warrior who was borne in 2012. I am still the woman wgo ran up Mission Peak everyday, who knew no opposition other than herself,  who prepared to be the best.

My mission is to bring who that was in everything I do.
becoming stronger and doing what i did that year. Every year. In every environment.

We must go through our comfortable zone and then beyond.

I know who i am.
I am a mountain climber.

I am made to ascend from the bottom to the top and the top to the bottom. The return to the bottom is to share what I’ve learned from struggling to the top with the masses. (Why is the bottom so crowded? Dont folliw rhe group. They can only go so far. By separately grinding you follow your own path. It comes a point in life where you must not depend on the group, and tou must walk your path alone)

But to remain credible,  I must remain active. I must always climb mountains. Physically and mentally. The top. Reaching the peak is like staying at the bottom ( rerfer to the escalating of point a to b etc . etc)

But i know I am meant to be. I am me  i am Anneshirley. That is enough. Anneshirley climbs mountains. She does it to prepare herself.

Climbing back down the mountain is obly to prepare you for climbing back up. It is a curving of the road. The path is not linear. She turns and twists all the way up to the peak. The ups and downs i  have lived are just curves and twists along the road to my highest self.

I have conquered today. I will continue to do this until it is masterd and will co quer another mountain. This is my mission. To conquer mountains.

It is training for even greater paths. This is not bew mission peak. Peter was not meant to be with me forever. I dont think anyone is. I think I was meant to climb up alone and come back down. Bless his life. Lwavw and continue forward. It is what i do. Im not meant to be with people forever. I am always in training. My path is a lonely but worth with one.

Some people use money to get closer to people, others use people to get money

Human beings are social animals. We depend on one another to survive. We live in social circles. Within our tribes are limits; cultural norms, expectations, that cannot be trespassed against, in order to maintain our membership of the circle. Isolation is the killer of this. Money allows us to choose to be isolated and not depend on the tribe. If you have enough of it,  you don’t need people. But people help generate money, so you indirectly do.

Thus people are really important. Individuals matter because all of them contribute to our country. We all have different functions that help create the whole. It is people who run the world. When we are isolated we die. We need each other. People need people because without the group we are nothing.

People are important. As social animals we can’t afford to be isolated. It is our family, our tribe, our community that sustains us. When we lose who we are we are destined for death.

I also feel like

We are two people
The person we formed in front of other people, our ego or false self

And the self that is hidden from the world. That runs deeper than the facade. The self that is emotional and vulnerable. The self that is able to only connect to other people who have also lost their fake selves

I am a fool

My heart aches, my mind is in sorrow, we are gone.

I feel empty, like a bag, being blown by the wind.

I feel regret, and guilt.

I feel sad, that I could hurt such a beautiful man like you.

I said I would never do it, but I did it, multiple times. Now you are gone, forever.

You were the man I told myself, I wanted to marry. I never felt love for anyone, until I met you. You were the man I was building my future with you in mind. And I let it all go.

I feel like, you are the only one who has ever understood me- who I could be naked around.

You were the only one who accepted me, and now that is gone.

I want you back so badly. The pain of living life without you forever is breaking my soul.

I weep for hurting you

I weep for losing you

I regret breaking up with you

And I am sorry for treating you like a revolving door. You deserve more.

From this day forward, you will never be my lover again. The reality has stabbed me deep in my heart and I don’t know why I was so naive to think breaking up with you again and again will have no consequences.

For the rest of my life we will never cuddle, we will never say I love you, we will never make love, we will never talk for hours and laugh and get mad at each other again. No more camping trips. No more hanging with friends. Its all gone.

Never again in my life will I be with my lover and best friend. I can’t believe I ever thought that was ok.

The weight of this truth is hard to deal with and even harder to accept its all my fault. Am i so ignorant?

I am sorry I failed you. Im sorry.