Love is like cocaine and your narcissist is the drug dealer

My ex, was a drug dealer. A very powerful drug dealer. One that was easily trusted because his exterior made it seem like he was worth trusting, and people really did believe in him. But he used to deal coke. And when he met me, it wasn’t like he had changed. His love was like a drug and I was an addict coming back for more. He abandoned me just like he abandoned all his clients because he felt it was in their best interests. He left them, like he left me. Now I’m telling my story about how narcissistic abuse is really a love addiction and colonization.


Dear black women,

There was a woman on MTV’s Catfish, talking about spending three long years with a man on the Internet, a black man on the internet, who used her for her emotional labor and attention to feed his ego, while he continued to pursue multiple women. Yes, they are black people. The woman is over-weight, and her weave is stiff. She does not practice self-care, but committed herself to his loving relationship, in hopes of finding a union that provided her with the safety and security she ultimately needed and probably suffered painful loss in her younger years, seeking and craving it. On television, this black man portrayed himself as someone who wanted a loving family, a commited housewife, a man who kept getting caught in the fast life of being lured in by seductive, greedy, materalistic women. He did not forget to promote his brand on the Television show, and show off his cars. Remove the emotional context, and it seems like this Catfish is using his fifteen seconds of fame, to self-promote himself. He says all the right things, and has everything planned too strategically to pass off as someone who genuinely loves this woman. In fact, he acts like all his lying, and exploitation is totally excusable because, “he’s a man with sexual needs” and she should be grateful that this man who has all this material wealth, even paid attention to her and gave her love and time and energy.

For white people watching this, this is hilarious. Looking at the pain and suffering of black people on television is a billion dollar industry; it’s the entertainment of the masses to see black people suffer. Nev and Max go on their white liberal journey exposing, “catfishes”, but there is a reason most of the people who are exposed are poor, unhealthy, marginalized people: the internet has become a source, an open source cesspool for  self-esteem; a place where people in pain go to get their daily dosage of dopamine or further their narcissistic goals

He essentially pitched himself as this: If you choose to accept me as your partner, I expect you to allow me to have multiple female partners. This is what I want. I have a high sex drive, and need multiple women to fufill it. I aquired all the material things a woman would desire, please give me love.

He fails to see how ignorant  he is of his other partner’s feelings, wishes, and autonomy. He fails to see her as a human being. He sees her as an extension of himself, a tool to supply him with a desire he must relief, like the way you fetch water to quench your thirst.

To him, this is love.

To her, this is a red flag. She knows, despite having all her supposed “needs” met, the love she is looking for will not have her in a position where she’s sharing a man. She will not sacrifice her own emotional needs in order to please him. In fact, she is making a clear declaration by her decision to not go live in this trap house (he really tried to say Team Skylar was a motivational movement) that she was not going to allow herself to be abused again. Her embarassement was enough to show her that, even when someone betrays you, you have the power to move on.

She is a lesson to us all, who trade our spirits, souls, and emotional well-being, for a relationship that is disrespectful but fulfills all other needs, and wants and desires.

An Open Letter to Humanity

Dear fellow sister and brother,

We are in grave danger. I am ashamed of our behavior. We have allowed competion, consumption,  and abuse of home Earth to continue far too long. To the point where,  she is and will kill us off. I don’t want to be the generation that kills the Planet.

Thoughts when jogging up hills


As I jog up this hill i ask, ” who is out here? Who is pushing me? Who is with me here on this hill?”

It was me.
No ex boyfriend.
No Mitch.
No family.

You must leave the masses, to come into our own. ALL you have, when it really comes down to it is you.

All environments and work is universal.  Because i prepared on Mission Peak, I am prepared to handle Sierra Road.

Prepartion in one state, provides you with the basic skills to survive in any environment. All work is equal. If you work hard as a student, you can also be a top athlete. With some minor adaptations,  all environments are universal.

I know who I am.
I am still the warrior who was borne in 2012. I am still the woman wgo ran up Mission Peak everyday, who knew no opposition other than herself,  who prepared to be the best.

My mission is to bring who that was in everything I do.
becoming stronger and doing what i did that year. Every year. In every environment.

We must go through our comfortable zone and then beyond.

I know who i am.
I am a mountain climber.

I am made to ascend from the bottom to the top and the top to the bottom. The return to the bottom is to share what I’ve learned from struggling to the top with the masses. (Why is the bottom so crowded? Dont folliw rhe group. They can only go so far. By separately grinding you follow your own path. It comes a point in life where you must not depend on the group, and tou must walk your path alone)

But to remain credible,  I must remain active. I must always climb mountains. Physically and mentally. The top. Reaching the peak is like staying at the bottom ( rerfer to the escalating of point a to b etc . etc)

But i know I am meant to be. I am me  i am Anneshirley. That is enough. Anneshirley climbs mountains. She does it to prepare herself.

Climbing back down the mountain is obly to prepare you for climbing back up. It is a curving of the road. The path is not linear. She turns and twists all the way up to the peak. The ups and downs i  have lived are just curves and twists along the road to my highest self.

I have conquered today. I will continue to do this until it is masterd and will co quer another mountain. This is my mission. To conquer mountains.

It is training for even greater paths. This is not bew mission peak. Peter was not meant to be with me forever. I dont think anyone is. I think I was meant to climb up alone and come back down. Bless his life. Lwavw and continue forward. It is what i do. Im not meant to be with people forever. I am always in training. My path is a lonely but worth with one.

Some people use money to get closer to people, others use people to get money

Human beings are social animals. We depend on one another to survive. We live in social circles. Within our tribes are limits; cultural norms, expectations, that cannot be trespassed against, in order to maintain our membership of the circle. Isolation is the killer of this. Money allows us to choose to be isolated and not depend on the tribe. If you have enough of it,  you don’t need people. But people help generate money, so you indirectly do.

Thus people are really important. Individuals matter because all of them contribute to our country. We all have different functions that help create the whole. It is people who run the world. When we are isolated we die. We need each other. People need people because without the group we are nothing.

People are important. As social animals we can’t afford to be isolated. It is our family, our tribe, our community that sustains us. When we lose who we are we are destined for death.

I also feel like

We are two people
The person we formed in front of other people, our ego or false self

And the self that is hidden from the world. That runs deeper than the facade. The self that is emotional and vulnerable. The self that is able to only connect to other people who have also lost their fake selves