Dear black women,
There was a woman on MTV’s Catfish, talking about spending three long years with a man on the Internet, a black man on the internet, who used her for her emotional labor and attention to feed his ego, while he continued to pursue multiple women. Yes, they are black people. The woman is over-weight, and her weave is stiff. She does not practice self-care, but committed herself to his loving relationship, in hopes of finding a union that provided her with the safety and security she ultimately needed and probably suffered painful loss in her younger years, seeking and craving it. On television, this black man portrayed himself as someone who wanted a loving family, a commited housewife, a man who kept getting caught in the fast life of being lured in by seductive, greedy, materalistic women. He did not forget to promote his brand on the Television show, and show off his cars. Remove the emotional context, and it seems like this Catfish is using his fifteen seconds of fame, to self-promote himself. He says all the right things, and has everything planned too strategically to pass off as someone who genuinely loves this woman. In fact, he acts like all his lying, and exploitation is totally excusable because, “he’s a man with sexual needs” and she should be grateful that this man who has all this material wealth, even paid attention to her and gave her love and time and energy.
For white people watching this, this is hilarious. Looking at the pain and suffering of black people on television is a billion dollar industry; it’s the entertainment of the masses to see black people suffer. Nev and Max go on their white liberal journey exposing, “catfishes”, but there is a reason most of the people who are exposed are poor, unhealthy, marginalized people: the internet has become a source, an open source cesspool for self-esteem; a place where people in pain go to get their daily dosage of dopamine or further their narcissistic goals
He essentially pitched himself as this: If you choose to accept me as your partner, I expect you to allow me to have multiple female partners. This is what I want. I have a high sex drive, and need multiple women to fufill it. I aquired all the material things a woman would desire, please give me love.
He fails to see how ignorant he is of his other partner’s feelings, wishes, and autonomy. He fails to see her as a human being. He sees her as an extension of himself, a tool to supply him with a desire he must relief, like the way you fetch water to quench your thirst.
To him, this is love.
To her, this is a red flag. She knows, despite having all her supposed “needs” met, the love she is looking for will not have her in a position where she’s sharing a man. She will not sacrifice her own emotional needs in order to please him. In fact, she is making a clear declaration by her decision to not go live in this trap house (he really tried to say Team Skylar was a motivational movement) that she was not going to allow herself to be abused again. Her embarassement was enough to show her that, even when someone betrays you, you have the power to move on.
She is a lesson to us all, who trade our spirits, souls, and emotional well-being, for a relationship that is disrespectful but fulfills all other needs, and wants and desires.